The Hero’s Journey: How I Lost Myself and Found My Sovereignty
One of the most important things I learned through this journey is discernment.
Before I was able to support others in healing, I had to go through it myself.
Not in a light or gradual way.
But in a way that felt intense, unavoidable, and at times… overwhelming.
Last year was one of the most brutal periods of my life.
It felt like every part of me was put under a magnifying glass.
Nothing was hidden.
Nothing was avoided.
Everything I had carried for years—maybe even decades—came to the surface.
And I had no choice but to face it.
When Everything Comes Up at Once
It didn’t happen all at once, but it felt like a wave that kept coming.
It started with shame.
Deep, quiet shame that I didn’t even realize I was holding onto.
Then it moved into my sexuality.
How I saw myself.
How I related to others.
Where I felt accepted—and where I didn’t.
Then came trauma.
Not just one event, but layers of experiences built over more than 40 years.
Childhood bullying.
Discrimination.
Moments that shaped how I saw my worth.
The way I learned to protect myself.
The Parts I Didn’t Want to See
There were also parts of me that I didn’t want to acknowledge.
How I viewed myself.
My self-esteem.
The beliefs I carried about who I was and what I deserved.
These weren’t easy things to face.
Because for a long time, they were hidden under:
identity
habits
coping mechanisms
The Reality of Healing
Healing, at least for me, didn’t look calm or graceful.
There were nights where I sat in my living room for hours.
Crying.
Talking out loud.
Trying to understand what I was feeling.
Other times, I just sat in discomfort.
Not knowing what to do with it.
Not trying to fix it.
Just staying.
Breaking Down to Build Again
There were moments that felt like breakdowns.
Mentally.
Emotionally.
Moments where I thought:
“I can’t do this.”
But somehow, I stayed.
And slowly, something began to shift.
Not all at once.
But enough to notice.
Learning How to Process
What I began to learn—through experience, not theory—was how to process.
Not avoid.
Not suppress.
But process.
To:
feel what was coming up
locate it in my body
stay with it
allow it to move
Understanding the Hero’s Journey
Later on, I learned that what I went through had a name.
The hero’s journey.
A concept introduced by Joseph Campbell.
But this wasn’t a story.
This was real life.
What the Hero’s Journey Actually Feels Like
It’s not glamorous.
It doesn’t feel like growth in the moment.
It feels like:
everything falling apart
identity dissolving
being forced to face what you’ve avoided
The Stages I Went Through
Looking back, I can see the stages clearly:
🌑 The Life Before
Living through patterns.
Seeking validation.
Avoiding discomfort.
⚡ The Disruption
When things stopped working.
🌪 The Breakdown
Where everything came up.
🌿 The Descent
Facing trauma, shame, and truth.
💓 The Awakening
Moments of peace, clarity, and awareness.
🔄 The Integration
Learning to live it.
The Reward Wasn’t What I Expected
At the end of this process, I didn’t receive something external.
No title.
No validation.
What I received was:
awareness
presence
the ability to feel and stay
and eventually… the ability to help others
The Ability to Heal
The healing work I do now didn’t come from learning techniques alone.
It came from going through something.
From understanding:
what it feels like to be overwhelmed
what it feels like to come back into the body
what it feels like to process instead of escape
Learning Discernment
One of the most important things I learned through this journey is discernment.
Not everything needs a reaction.
Not every thought is true.
Not every feeling needs to define you.
Discernment allowed me to:
pause instead of react
observe instead of identify
choose instead of repeat
The Final Step: Sovereignty
At the end of all of this, there was one realization that changed everything.
I had to choose myself.
Not in a selfish way.
But in a grounded, clear way.
What Sovereignty Means to Me
Sovereignty is not about control.
It’s not about being separate from others.
It’s about being rooted in yourself.
It means:
trusting what I feel
trusting what I see
trusting what I know
It means:
My life
My choices
My direction
Are mine.
No More Waiting
I’m no longer waiting for:
permission
validation
the “right moment”
Because I’ve already been through what I needed to go through.
My Declaration
At some point, this became clear:
I am no longer seeking permission to be who I am.
I trust what I feel, what I see, and what I know.
I honor my body, my emotions, and my awareness as my guides.
I do not abandon myself to be accepted.
I choose alignment over approval.
I stand in my presence, grounded and clear.
I am whole. I am sovereign.
What Comes Next
This doesn’t mean life is perfect.
Challenges still come.
Emotions still arise.
But now:
I stay.
I return.
I choose.
Closing
If there’s one thing I’ve learned through this journey, it’s this:
The hero’s journey is not about becoming someone else.
It’s about removing everything that isn’t you.
And what remains…
Is enough.
If this resonates, I’d love to hear what part of your journey challenged you the most—and what it revealed about who you really are.