Rethinking Love: From Seeking “The One” to Becoming Love
I kept looking for love in all the wrong places until I realized the love I had been searching for outside myself was already within me.
For most of my adult life, I was searching for love.
Not just any kind of love—but romantic love.
The kind you see in movies.
The kind that feels intense, consuming, life-defining.
Somewhere along the way, I developed a belief that my life wasn’t complete without a partner. A husband. A lover.
I don’t know exactly where that idea came from.
Maybe it was the stories I watched growing up.
Maybe it was something I absorbed from my family.
Maybe it was something I created on my own.
But for a long time, that belief shaped everything.
Living as “Half a Person”
Looking back, I can see how I was moving through the world.
There was an invisible feeling I carried:
That I was incomplete.
That I was only half.
And somewhere out there, there was another half waiting to complete me.
I didn’t say it out loud.
But I felt it.
At the same time, there was another layer.
On the surface, I appeared confident.
Even elevated.
I believed I knew more, had experienced more, understood more than others.
But underneath that… was something else.
Unmet needs.
Unprocessed emotions.
Old wounds I didn’t know how to face.
Escaping Instead of Feeling
Because I didn’t know how to process what I was feeling, I found ways to escape.
When emotions became too heavy,
too uncomfortable,
too confusing.
I numbed them.
I avoided them.
I didn’t have the tools to sit with them, understand them, or let them move.
So I did what I could at the time.
I survived.
Structure, Survival, and Stability
Eventually, I was introduced to a 12-step program.
And in many ways, it gave me exactly what I needed.
Structure.
Stability.
A framework to rebuild my life.
For over a decade, I followed that structure closely.
It taught me:
how to take responsibility
how to recognize my patterns
how to show up for myself and others
how to be of service
It also introduced me to the idea of a higher power.
Something beyond my control.
Something I could trust.
The Limits of Structure
And yet, after some time, something else emerged.
My life became… predictable.
Work.
Gym.
Meetings.
Home.
Repeat.
While the structure kept me stable, it also started to feel limiting.
Like I was maintaining a system… but not fully living.
Growth slowed down.
Curiosity faded.
Something inside me was asking for more.
The Shift Begins
Around that time, something else started happening.
Experiences I can only describe as… heightened awareness.
Moments of déjà vu.
A sense that I had been somewhere before—even when I hadn’t.
These weren’t entirely new to me.
I had experienced something similar earlier in life.
But now, they were returning—more clearly.
More consistently.
Opening to Something Larger
As I continued meditating, I began noticing subtle shifts.
Not just in my thoughts, but in how I perceived reality.
Eventually, during a trip to Puerto Vallarta, something significant happened.
It felt like a “download.”
Not in a literal sense—but an overwhelming clarity.
A knowing.
After that, things changed.
I began to perceive energy more directly.
I felt more connected—to something larger.
Experiencing a Different Kind of Love
Around this time, I also experienced something I had never fully felt before.
A different kind of love.
Not romantic.
Not directed at one person.
But expansive.
During meditation, there were moments where I felt completely held.
Seen.
Heard.
Accepted.
Not by a person—but by something I can only describe as the universe.
And in those moments, I realized something that shifted everything:
The love I had been searching for externally…
was already available.
Discovering My Capacity to Love
As I stayed with that experience, something else became clear.
My capacity to love was much larger than I had imagined.
It wasn’t limited to:
one person
one relationship
one form
It was expansive.
Inclusive.
Not possessive.
Not dependent.
I began to feel that I could:
love deeply
care fully
connect openly
Without needing to hold or control.
From Scarcity to Abundance
Before this, my experience of love was rooted in scarcity.
If I gave love, I feared losing it.
If I didn’t receive it, I felt incomplete.
Now, something shifted.
Love didn’t feel like something I had to get.
It felt like something I could access.
Something I could generate.
Something I could share—without losing it.
Understanding Compassion
Alongside this experience of love, I was also introduced to something deeper:
Compassion.
At first, I thought compassion was just a softer version of love.
But over time, I realized it’s something more grounded.
More stable.
More consistent.
Love can feel expansive, emotional, even overwhelming.
Compassion is steady.
It doesn’t depend on feeling good.
It doesn’t disappear when things get difficult.
Compassion allows you to:
stay present with pain
hold space without needing to fix
accept without judgment
It includes everything.
Even the parts of ourselves we struggle with.
Compassion for Self
This was where the real shift happened.
Not just feeling love for others.
But learning to hold compassion for myself.
For:
my past
my patterns
my mistakes
my unfinished growth
Instead of trying to become a perfect version of myself, I began to:
Understand myself.
Accept myself.
Work with myself.
A New Relationship With Love
Now, when I think about love, it feels different.
It’s no longer something I’m chasing.
It’s something I’m relating to.
Something I’m learning to embody.
Romantic love still exists.
Connection still matters.
But it’s no longer the center of everything.
Because I’m no longer starting from emptiness.
Closing
If I look back at my journey, the biggest shift wasn’t finding love.
It was realizing:
I am not incomplete.
I never was.
And the love I was searching for…
Was always closer than I thought.
If any part of this resonates, I’d love to hear your experience.
Because this journey—from seeking love to becoming it—is something many of us are still learning, in our own way.
To support this deeper emotional work, I’ve created a guided meditation to help you gently feel, process, and release what you’ve been holding. It’s a simple practice you can return to whenever emotions feel overwhelming. You can find this meditation on my YouTube channel and Insight Timer.