Meeting the Parts of Me I Thought Were “Not Me”
The interdependence of self.
Early in my healing journey, something unexpected happened.
After I began to feel a more stable connection—to what I can best describe as the universe, or a deeper intelligence within—I started receiving insights in ways I didn’t fully understand at the time.
One of the most impactful introductions I had was to something I later learned is called Internal Family Systems (IFS).
But I didn’t discover it through a book.
I experienced it directly.
The First Encounter
During one of my meditations, I became aware of something unusual.
There was a sense—almost like a voice—that suggested there were “intruders” in my mind.
At that moment, I reacted quickly.
Without fully understanding what was happening, I imagined removing them, placing them into an object, and separating them from myself.
At the time, it felt like I was protecting myself.
Like I was clearing something out.
Something Didn’t Feel Right
I went about my day, but something felt… off.
There was a subtle emptiness.
A disconnection.
On my way downtown, I realized this might be more serious than I initially thought.
So I turned around and went home.
Not because I had answers—but because something in me knew I needed to.
The Realization
When I sat back down and tuned inward again, something shifted.
What I thought were “intruders” didn’t feel foreign anymore.
They felt familiar.
And then a realization came through—quiet but clear:
These are not outsiders.
They are part of you.
That moment changed how I understood myself.
We Are Not Just One
Up until then, I had always thought of myself as a single, unified identity.
But this experience showed me something different.
It felt like my inner world was made up of multiple parts:
emotions
reactions
patterns
voices
Each one had its own tone.
Its own role.
Its own perspective.
And together, they shaped how I experienced the world.
The Role of These Parts
Over time, I began to understand that these parts weren’t random.
They had purpose.
In many ways, they acted like:
protectors
responders
caretakers
They were trying to keep me safe.
Trying to help me navigate situations.
Trying to process what I was going through.
A Misunderstanding
At first, I misunderstood this completely.
Because I saw them as “mine,” I assumed I could control them.
Direct them.
Send them away when I didn’t want to feel something.
So for a few days, I tried exactly that.
The Consequence
And then something strange happened.
I lost access to my emotions.
Not partially—almost entirely.
I remember being in a group setting, where emotions would normally arise naturally.
But there was… nothing.
No anger.
No sadness.
No joy.
Just a kind of flatness.
At first, I thought maybe this was calm.
But it didn’t feel like calm.
It felt like something was missing.
Calling Them Back
That experience made me realize something important:
These parts were not meant to be removed.
They were meant to be included.
So I began the process of reconnecting.
Not by forcing anything.
But by gently inviting them back.
By acknowledging:
what I had done
what I didn’t understand
and my willingness to listen
Slowly, my emotional range returned.
And with it, a deeper respect for these inner parts.
What They Really Want
Through continued observation and experience, I began to see a pattern.
These emotions and parts don’t want control.
They want recognition.
When something arises—whether it’s:
frustration
sadness
anxiety
or even joy
What seems to help is very simple:
Acknowledge it
Name it
Feel where it lives in the body
Understand what it’s trying to show you
Thank it
Allow it to move on
Not suppressing.
Not holding on.
Just processing.
Meditation Practice
I’ve started turning this process into a simple meditation practice.
It’s not about fixing anything, but about learning how to relate to what we feel in a different way.
By acknowledging, naming, and gently listening to our emotions in the body, something begins to shift.
What once felt overwhelming becomes something we can sit with, understand, and eventually release.
I created a guided meditation based on this approach to help you experience it for yourself—gently, at your own pace.
Where We Get Stuck
From what I’ve seen—in myself and others—the challenge isn’t feeling emotions.
It’s what we do with them.
We tend to:
avoid them
distract ourselves
or hold onto them longer than needed
And over time, that creates buildup.
Not just emotionally—but physically.
Looking Outside Instead of Within
In modern life, it’s very easy to look outward for solutions.
We look for:
validation
distraction
comfort
answers
And while those can help temporarily, they often don’t address the root.
What I’ve been learning is this:
Many of the answers we’re looking for already exist within us.
But accessing them requires something we don’t practice often:
Stillness.
A Recent Experience
I had a more recent experience that reinforced this understanding.
Back in December, I was going through a period of intense stress.
There were multiple pressures happening at once.
And I felt it building—mentally and emotionally.
When Stress Becomes Physical
Eventually, that stress showed up in my body.
It started as itchiness.
At first, it was small—just around my neck.
But then it spread:
elbows
stomach
back
It became persistent.
At one point, I thought it might be an allergic reaction.
But something didn’t quite add up.
Listening Differently
Instead of immediately trying to “fix” it externally, I decided to observe.
To sit with it.
To ask:
What is this trying to show me?
And what I noticed was this:
The itchiness wasn’t random.
It felt connected to internal tension.
Unprocessed stress.
Emotions that hadn’t been fully acknowledged.
Learning to Self-Soothe
So I shifted my approach.
Instead of resisting the sensation, I began:
grounding my body
breathing into the areas
acknowledging what I was feeling emotionally
offering myself a sense of calm and reassurance
Not forcing it away.
Just being with it.
What Changed
Over time, the intensity began to decrease.
Not instantly.
But gradually.
And more importantly, I felt a shift internally.
More regulated.
More aware.
More connected.
What I’m Learning
If there’s one thing this journey keeps showing me, it’s this:
Our bodies are constantly communicating with us.
Through:
sensations
emotions
energy
Nothing is random.
Even discomfort has a message.
An Invitation to Observe
You don’t need to fully understand any framework or system to begin.
You can start simply by:
noticing what you feel
staying present with it
and getting curious instead of reactive
That alone can open something meaningful.
Moving Forward
I’m still learning how to navigate this.
Still observing.
Still refining my understanding.
But I continue to be surprised by how much wisdom exists within us—when we take the time to listen.
If any part of this resonates with you, I invite you to explore it in your own way.
Gently.
Curiously.
At your own pace.
And as always, I’d love to hear what you notice along the way.
You explained this beautifully, Bernard. And I really love the meditation! It's perfect for me right now. Thank you. 🙏
Great tips! Looking inward to understand yourself better 🙂